Melchizedek

Calling all self-proclaimed mangaka!

Melchizedek

Postby XPManga » Tue May 26, 2009 3:36 pm

Here is my first manga. Enjoy.

Melchizedek Manga

Current Update: Chapter 2 posted

Next Update: Chapter 3 coming soon

Ratings:
Minimum age: 10

Violence: 6. [It contains DBZ-like violence. The manga has a lot of fighting in the story.]

Language: 4 [Only the villains swear]

Sexual Content: 3 [There is kissing, but no hentai-like sexual content]

Nudity (or skimpy outfits): 3 [Same as "Sexual Content"]

Bad Religion: 5. [The villains in the story have Social-Darwinist views and one of those villains is Lucifer (aka Satan)]
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Postby goldenspines » Tue May 26, 2009 4:17 pm

Hey there and welcome to CAA.

You have a pretty good manga so far; great art, okay storyline, and nice character design. Keep up the great work, I look forward to reading more.
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Postby XPManga » Tue May 26, 2009 5:05 pm

goldenspines (post: 1314861) wrote:Hey there and welcome to CAA.

You have a pretty good manga so far]okay storyline[/B], and nice character design. Keep up the great work, I look forward to reading more.


Thanks for the positive feedback. On the "okay storyline" part, well, I know the story is not well in dept yet, but trust me, when chapter 3 comes out, that's when things get really interesting.
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Postby Maledicte » Wed May 27, 2009 12:06 am

[The villains in the story have Social-Darwinist views and one of those villains is Lucifer (aka Satan)]


I'd really like to see how you pull this off. Bring on the villains!
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Postby XPManga » Wed May 27, 2009 9:29 am

Oh, you'll see them soon. X)
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Postby Gelka » Wed May 27, 2009 9:51 am

So far so good. ^^ Something I'll have to keep up with. ^^

*2 thumbs up* :)
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Postby XPManga » Thu May 28, 2009 7:00 pm

Thanks! I'm like half way done with chapter 3... So keep checking this thread please!
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Postby XPManga » Sat May 30, 2009 7:49 am

Hey guys! Chapter 3 (1x23-1x33) is now posted! Enjoy!
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Postby Gelka » Sat May 30, 2009 8:19 am

^^ Some of the words were a little hard to read but, once again so far so good. ^^
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Postby XPManga » Sat May 30, 2009 11:34 am

Yeah, I have to work on my dialogue....
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Postby goldenspines » Sat May 30, 2009 12:06 pm

Nice. Chapter three is a bit more interesting and it seems like the story is progressing well.
I echo what Gelka said. Especially during the sermon and when Gen. Gabriel is explaining things. I think you were trying to cram all those words in one speech bubble. D:
It may be better to break up the dialogue a bit, into two speech bubbles for example, while still not totally covering the main picture of the panel. Or, you can even add another panel on the page.

Also, the reading direction tends to get me a tad confused. I'm assuming it read from right to left (the flow of dialogue makes more sense that way, I think), but you tend to make most of the panels read in a strange circular pattern (e.g. a page with two small panels on the right and one long panel on the left is read, in your manga: top small panel, left long panel, and bottom small panel). That's how I see it anyways. ^_^;
So that may be something for you to work on as you progress through the story.

Otherwise, keep up the good work. I look forward to seeing the next chapter.
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Postby XPManga » Sat May 30, 2009 8:47 pm

Well, I am planning to postpone Chapter 4 and redraw the last couple pages of Chapter 3, bc the way I look at it, it looked kinda sloppy and I can actually re-do the dialogue a bit. Also, I think I have to cut out the whole "burning the Constitution" thing out and replace it with a more politically sound explanation... So, it shouldn't take me too long to do. Besides, I am actually planning to publish this manga for the public, so I gotta do this right.
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Postby XPManga » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:58 pm

Okay, guys! Pages 30-33 have been redrawn, and now I shall start drawing Chapter 4!

Also, if you have a smackjeeves account, please add my manga to ur favorites!
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Postby Gelka » Mon Jun 01, 2009 6:06 pm

Is waiting on pins and needles for the next part!!!! :thumb:
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Postby XPManga » Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:45 pm

Ok, so since I have come really far with the manga, and I've gotten bored for the moment, so I made a fun castlist if my manga was a movie. I will use our current actors.

Melchizedek = Justin Chatwin (played as Goku in DB Evolution)
Evangeline = Megan Fox (played as Mikaela in Transformers)
Paul = John Goodman (played as Pops in Speed Racer)
Caela = Unknown
General Gabri-El = Harrison Ford (played as Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones movies)

What do you think? You can put in your own opinion if you want.

BTW, Chapter 4 will be coming soon
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Postby XPManga » Mon Jun 08, 2009 12:34 pm

Chapter 4 posted!

Chapter 5 coming soon!
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Postby Gelka » Mon Jun 08, 2009 5:41 pm

Lol. That was cute. ^^ [SIZE="1"]dey kissed.0.0[/SIZE]
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Jun 09, 2009 2:35 pm

What I’m going to say here will surprise no one who knows me. XPManga, we haven’t really met, so I hope this won’t get us off to a bad start. I have some concerns about the content of your series so far and I hope to express them in Christian love and all that.

I’ll take it as essentially metaphorical, so the fact that we have superheroes running around to punch people in the face for Jesus isn’t that big of a deal. The language of fighting for God is deeply embedded in the Bible, after all. However, I think it should be used carefully, as this same line of thinking has led to cults doing less than Christian things. Having not seen the war, I can’t comment on how you’re doing this.

But New Christendom against Secular America? Alright, fine, there’s nothing that says you have to be subtle about your metaphors. However, I think that this kind of thing fosters unhelpful attitudes. It's not a good idea to establish non-Christians as evil people who force women into prostitution. That last detail is probably a little over the top, by the way, though it’s true that there is almost always a sexual front to war.

Let me put the question differently: what would a non-Christian reading this series think? You seem to portray modern culture as a war between two sides, and it will be clear to them that they’re on the demonized side. That’s not helpful to civil dialogue, much less evangelism. It’s also an oversimplification of the real situation, even for parable.

The message of the Gospel is supposed to be good news to be shared with all people. All too often Christians have adopted a nationalistic attitude and just fought against the world.

Perhaps you have completely different things planned for this series and my comments are premature. Now that chapter four seems to have moved to other issues, however, it seems as though the premise has been introduced and so I decided to bring up these concerns.

Different individuals respond to criticism differently and I don’t know about you (I know my tendency is to brood cynically). I hope this response wasn’t discouraging. I’m only responding because I share your hope of a world in which there can be all kinds of Christian series.
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Postby XPManga » Tue Jun 09, 2009 3:50 pm

NOTE: This is NOT and angry response. Just a simple defense

uc pseudonym (post: 1318010) wrote:I’ll take it as essentially metaphorical, so the fact that we have superheroes running around to punch people in the face for Jesus isn’t that big of a deal. The language of fighting for God is deeply embedded in the Bible, after all. However, I think it should be used carefully, as this same line of thinking has led to cults doing less than Christian things. Having not seen the war, I can’t comment on how you’re doing this.

Well, New Christendom is going to be attacked by a country who seeks to enslave them. This is a picture that secularism is attacking (or already attacked) God and Christianity.

uc pseudonym (post: 1318010) wrote:But New Christendom against Secular America? Alright, fine, there’s nothing that says you have to be subtle about your metaphors. However, I think that this kind of thing fosters unhelpful attitudes. It's not a good idea to establish non-Christians as evil people who force women into prostitution.

Now, I'm not saying that the ppl in Secular-America is evil but their life-style is. It's almost like saying that you hate the homosexual LIFE-STYLE, but not the ppl who are in it. S-America's absolute rebellion against God (or Elohim in the story) is an evil life-style. So, note that I'm attacking life-styles, not people. And we (Christians) actually are in a cultural warfare against the world. Some Christian students get suspended for praying and reading Bibles (I recommend you read Battle Cry for My Genereation).

uc pseudonym (post: 1318010) wrote:That last detail is probably a little over the top, by the way, though it’s true that there is almost always a sexual front to war.

Yeah it was over-the-top, but I was just thinking that if a woman has no rights, then his oppressors can do whatever they want with her (Just watch Code Geass R2 episode 1, it'll show you what I mean)

uc pseudonym (post: 1318010) wrote:Let me put the question differently: what would a non-Christian reading this series think? You seem to portray modern culture as a war between two sides, and it will be clear to them that they’re on the demonized side. That’s not helpful to civil dialogue, much less evangelism. It’s also an oversimplification of the real situation, even for parable.

Actually, I'm mostly attacking our current American culture. Let's face it, America has become more secular since the 60's. Just look at our public schools, some students get suspended for praying and/or reading Bibles. And Obama is allowing the dissolvement of "In God We Trust" and the fact that he demanded to cover the cross in Norte Dame, because it "suppresses religious values". And to answer the "what would a non-Christian think?", well, the truth hurts. Some people think that because there's no God, there's no moral values. Call me extreme, but that's what I want to say about what I see is going on in America.

uc pseudonym (post: 1318010) wrote:The message of the Gospel is supposed to be good news to be shared with all people. All too often Christians have adopted a nationalistic attitude and just fought against the world.

Well, this story is not really mean to evangelize. It's kinda like how CS Lewis wrote Narnia, he just put in Biblical metaphors. (and knowing me, I'm NOT a fan of kissy-poo preaching)
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Postby XPManga » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:43 am

Hey guys, I forgot to add 2 more pages to Chapter 4, so it's the last 2 pages of the chapter. Srry for the inconvience, this is just a very important scene to end Chapter 4 with.
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Postby Gelka » Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:16 pm

So now they're gonna get married once he comes back...
This is moving along quickly.
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Postby XPManga » Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:21 pm

Gelka (post: 1318240) wrote:So now they're gonna get married once he comes back...
This is moving along quickly.


But the question is, when?

I hate it when a couple in an anime takes episodes, episodes, and episodes to confess, so I decided to just let them do that early and have you wait until the REAL romantic climax comes: the wedding
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Postby Gelka » Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:24 pm

Okay. Well that makes sense. Now on to the war....right?
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Postby XPManga » Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:54 pm

yep.
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Postby ich1990 » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:17 pm

You might also want to do something with your cell phones; they look exactly like 2010 era phones. Given that you have a futuristic setting, you may want to make them different somehow. I find it hard to believe that 90 years of advancement in cellular phone technology will not change the shape and size of phones.
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Postby Pejiilu » Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:21 pm

I love the story you just need to work on your mouths there a little close to the nose Other then that great job :D ^^ *thumbs up on both hands*
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Postby XPManga » Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:31 pm

Pejiilu (post: 1318294) wrote:you just need to work on your mouths there a little close to the nose


But arent they supposed to be close to the nose? I mean, our mouths in real life are close to the nose.
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Postby Pejiilu » Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:44 pm

XPManga (post: 1318296) wrote:But arent they supposed to be close to the nose? I mean, our mouths in real life are close to the nose.



It just looks kinda odd but maybe it me
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Postby Gelka » Wed Jun 10, 2009 6:08 pm

From what I've seen most of the time anime guys noses are closer to their mouths which are like right underneath their eyes. I think you've pretty much got it right.
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Postby XPManga » Wed Jun 10, 2009 6:43 pm

thank you
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