Praise For Tears

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Praise For Tears

Postby Dante » Mon Apr 05, 2010 11:59 pm

This is going to sound strange, but... as many of you may or may not know. I currently suffer from a past of my own stupidity. I have done things to myself, that are deeply unspeakable in the name of purpose. And over the last few months, I have lost almost all ability to experience emotion. I can mimic it, I can speak it naturally, but it's as though I didn't experience it. As though I were dead watching on already from beyond the grave.

Perhaps though, worst of this experience is that I haven't had the ability to cry for almost two years now in my memory. I have wanted to, but even when I gained the rare feeling of sadness or the frequent feeling of extreme emotional pain or unbearable stress, it were as though a dam held back the waters of my soul. And slowly I drowned beneath the tears unreleased. Tears are a strange thing, because humans are one of the few creatures that cry when we are sad. So if I couldn't cry, I even felt that I had lost my humanity.

So, this has strangely been one of the things I have desired for a long time, and tonight as the rain fell on Flagstaff and the smell or earth filled the air once again. I cried. I cried for ten, fifteen minutes. I was actually in public, but wouldn't stop myself for the world. I felt the feeling of moist warm salty dewdrops roll down my cheek and the release of so much pain from within my crooked soul. I could have cried for hours, but five, ten, fifteen minutes I simply lost myself in the bliss and was thankful for every moment. It was everything I had so long desired. God it was so much release that I so very much needed. So, I want to post a strange report of praise, a praise to say that I am thankful to God for that, for a few moments of being human.

I know that I still have a long journey back to being me, to being a fully alive once again. And I so very much need God to restore my soul, but I at least have this fragment of hope, this fragile and beautiful feeling of a few tears. And I wanted to post, to say I treasured them. I want to feel more of them, I want to feel every emotion that I have long forgotten and experience life in the color that I threw away so long ago. But right now, I just want to post to be thankful, thankful for a few tears.

:sniffle:
-Pascal
FKA Pascal
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Postby Sammy Boy » Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:35 am

Hi Pascal, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

Thank God he brought tears back into your life!
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Postby bkilbour » Wed Apr 07, 2010 7:45 pm

Tears are a blessing - how else could we express our sorrow? And God feels sorrow too (I am sure He cries too), so this is a reassurance that you are made in His image, Pascal. I am glad that this gift was given to you.
Hebrews 12
John 14
Matthew 6
Psalm 119
May God be glorified!
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