I need to share this...

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I need to share this...

Postby CephasWhite » Mon Jul 27, 2009 3:19 am

...I know I don't come on here much and I don't really talk to anyone here anymore...but I should say to everyone, that I am a sinner and a lover of God. I know I do stupid things and I pray to God to forgive me. I sometimes think that the stupid things I do are so wrong and sinful...that I wonder how the Lord in heaven ever forgives me...even doing the same thing again and again...he still forgives me...I break down and cry knowing this because I will never experience grace more then what He gives me.

I heard in a message from Dan Chun that "he knows my name". Hearing his entire message reminded me that Yihoshua knows who I am and who I was even BEFORE I existed...he crafted me in the palm of his hand. He knows me, and he always knew me. He knew what my weaknesses and my strengths were going to be before I even experienced them...again my eyes swell with tears because He's my Father...my Dad...I am made in His image.

"Do not be afraid, for I am always with you" Chun said, "He is in your corner. He fights for you!" My God my God...what can't I do without your strength? The answer is EVERYTHING!!! I need His strength to just have the ability to breathe every day, every hour, every minute, every second!

I have a terrible lust of something horrible...some of you may already know...I am in the middle of trying to stop it...it's almost gone...the battle has been going on for a long, long time...at least 20 years. My family knows about it, and they keep praying for me.

That in itself makes me cry (I'm an emotional person), when it comes to people who care about me and pray for me, whether friends or family...truthfully I'm not used to it...I'm not...because I'm the one giving the prayer and care 99% of the time...so much that I do not know what it feels like to have someone pray...for me...it's touching...and yet painful...to the pit of my stomach...I get so angry because of my weaknesses...

Fighting back the tears when someone wants to pray for me...I only say "thank you" and turn away. I can feel the water welling up in my eyes. I'm no one special, I'm just a stupid man...I'm supposed to be strong and yet sensitive...hard yet soft...strict yet loving...a believer yet a sinner...I'm human...made in His image...yet I abuse His creation...and hate myself because of it...I want to stop...but it's so hard...so bloody hard...

Some of you may be thinking that me, CephasWhite...a wise person who loves and cares about everyone...has problems of his own...that he's not the wise man that he says...he actually has tear ducts and prays for grace and forgiveness every single day of his life...to stop this horrible lust of something close to mutilation and death.

Then they come up to me and hug me...their arms embracing me...I can't hold it in anymore...I grab them tightly and I weep...yet hoping I'm not embarrassing myself at the same time. They cradle me with a loving embrace that makes me realize that I am human...they mention that God knows who I am, what my weaknesses are and that with me being His son, he forgives my evil deeds...all of them.

If you're reading this far down, I thank you for taking the time to read my testimony. I hope after reading this you may be feeling the same as I am. Finally bringing out my dark deeds to light; finally getting it off my chest.

My fellow warriors, do not think that God in heaven doesn't know anything about you, because He has known you even before you EXISTED. The love is eternal...His love is eternal.

I remember what He said about the beatitudes, this clip from Jesus of Nazareth is one of my favorite renditions of our Lord explaining the Beatitudes, and the Lord's Prayer right now:

The Beatitudes/The Lord's Prayer

I ask you to pray with me:

"God, You know everything. You know what I've done and what I'm going to do. Please, please give me the strength to fight what tempts me. I can't do anything without your strength. I remember what happened with Simon Peter after listening to your parable of the Prodigal Son, he looked into your eyes and said: I'm sorry Master...I'm just a stupid, stupid man. You are my Father...my loving Father...in whom I put my trust in...You love me and You forgive me for my debts and sins no matter how hard headed, arrogant, ignorant, selfish, or greedy I am. I love You, and I always will. If I have to break down and weep to spit those words out "I'm sorry, please forgive me I. was. wrong!" to you, I will. There is nothing more loving then you Lord...nothing. In praying this, I conclude with Your prayer that You taught us:

"Our Father, Who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Your Name. Thy Kingdom Come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us of our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory, forever and ever...Amen"

This is my testimony to those who are willing to take this to heart. I love you and I always will no matter who you are. My brothers and my sisters, do not be afraid of me, for I am just a man...created in God's image...who knows who I am, what I've done, and who I will be.

This is also a need for prayers, prayers that I will get this demon of lust off my back, not by myself...but with strength from God almighty...I fall on my knees and cry...praising Him for His abundant love to come down on this sinful, stupid man writing this message now...to come to grips on reality and destroy what's holding me back.

Finally, I conclude by thanking you for taking the time to read this...for praying with me. I ask of you to take this mix of a testimony and prayer to heart for I believe it will speak to those who are facing the same challenges I am.

From the deepest part of my heart, I thank you all. God bless every one of you.
~CephasWhite :angel:
Two Steps From Hell - Tristan <--(click)
†††††††††††††
We have been here long enough to know
That we are all brothers and sisters in Christ,
So if you are in need of help,
We shall give you His advice.

May God add his blessings upon you,
That you will live this day and forever,
And when He comes to the earth again,
We will all go together...

Into Heaven for Eternity...


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Postby Maokun » Tue Jul 28, 2009 12:08 am

I really have not much to say. I just wanted you to know that I read it all and I care. Fight your battles but do not despair if you fail, as that is yet another bond that will keep you back from reaching what God has for you. Godspeed! :)
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Postby Mr. Hat'n'Clogs » Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:44 am

Wow. Just wow.

Of course I'll be praying for you. it would kind of be an insult not to pray for you after reading this. I haven't really met you, but you've got my prayers and support.
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Postby CephasWhite » Wed Jul 29, 2009 3:54 am

I thank you from the bottom of my heart you two...
Two Steps From Hell - Tristan <--(click)
†††††††††††††
We have been here long enough to know
That we are all brothers and sisters in Christ,
So if you are in need of help,
We shall give you His advice.

May God add his blessings upon you,
That you will live this day and forever,
And when He comes to the earth again,
We will all go together...

Into Heaven for Eternity...


[SIZE="5"][color="Green"]M[/color][color="Red"]E[/color][color="Green"]R[/color][color="Red"]R[/color][color="Green"]Y[/color] [color="Red"]C[/color][color="Green"]H[/color][color="Red"]R[/color][color="Green"]I[/color][color="Red"]S[/color][color="Green"]T[/color][color="Red"]M[/color][color="Green"]A[/color][color="Red"]S[/color][color="Green"]![/color][color="Red"]![/color][color="Green"]![/color][/SIZE]
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Location: Home sweet home.

Postby DignifiedSoul » Sun Aug 16, 2009 3:35 pm

I'm new to this website.I just made an account today lol!But after reading this I just had to reply back to you.Wow you must be facing something truly difficult right now.Whatever it is I'll pray for you tonight.I'm just glad to know that you acknowledge God's love for you.I just came from Blue Mountain Christian Retreat two weeks ago.The topic was about God's love and as I heard the preaching I cried uncontrollably lol!Anyway as a sibling in Christ I'd be happy to lend a helping hand and pray for you.If you ever have the chance you can visit my blog.I have the link in my signature.There's a story on the top called,"He Loves Me".I feel like it has to do with the situation.God bless you! ^o^
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