I have been struggling to send a message here, but I felt kinda compelled to just... I don't know........ to just update on what I have been doing...
Pretty much my journey has been bittersweet...bitter. Still kinda bitter.
I was struggling with myself on whether or not i should post this message... Because I was bawling when I wrote this... I couldn't even finish. I was a complete mess. I wrote this last year, on November, and... well, you can judge for yourself on whether or not I wrote it on that time... i'm just exposing my vulnerability before praying with my mother... So here i say:
"You know... Haha! You know, there are times where I just want to kill my self, end this misery, but then if I did THAT, then I would hurt a lot of my friends and family who look up to me, and I have a lot to live for, and BLAH, BLAH BLAAH... I've heard it ALL before, and I have TOLD it all before. But you know WHAT?? I felt like I don't know what the F$@# else to do at this point. I'm angry, I'm hurting, I'm in pain, I'm suffering... everything in between... And guess what, so is my mother. She is not a very healthy woman, and I am trying my very best to take care of her while at the same time, her taking care of me by trying everything that she had prayed to God to for knowledge on helping me to get exposure.
All our lives are private and I felt COMPELLED to just tell it anyways because at this point I could care less who reads this. So....... Here I am sulking again."
And that's all... I haven't posted this anywhere, I thought of posting this, but didn't. I haven't continued on because I was crying because of all the things I went through. I even injured my fingers pounding the walls.
I felt... PUNISHED. For what, I don't know.
This is all due to financial meltdown... compounded with broken promises to me from people who were supposed to help us and unanswered messages... that drove me to the brink of insanity and suicidal tendencies... My mother's health has not been good lately and still doing the best she can to get my name out there to get some exposure and my school. And that is ONE of the reason's why we decided to create a non profit organization.
I have a non-profit organization that caters to kids, teens, and adults who's lives are affected by autism, and all inabilities in the like. You name it, they have it, mental, physical, emotional, etc. I have a donation's page online, but the thing is, I have no idea where to post it because I was afraid I could get in trouble for advertising anything here on this forum... So I asked where I need to go to post my donation's page here, viewtopic.php?f=23&t=66106
but, as I suspected... no reply. So many thoughts have run through my mind at this point, is that "Do they think i'm a liar?" something like that... But I digress....
The point i'm trying to make is, I need prayer, and I need help. My mission, am the MAIN reason, is to make those individuals' lives creative, fun, and better, and at the same time, to try to provide for my mother who has been providing for me all her life. I can't do this by myself... I need your help.
i'll only post my link if anyone is interested in knowing what my organization is about.